This time, nothing will stop me.  My free will to eat whatever and whenever I want has to end. I signed up for "physician's weight loss center".  It' is costing me $748 for 16 weeks. Like a semester at school---   Honest, I am doing this for me. I have to lose between 30-40lbs of fat.

Yes, I am a fat lady as you can see from my pics.  I am an overwheight person, I have to admit it.

and I am doing this now for myself, to feel better on the inside as well as on the outside. I have to do this.  I started online RN-BSN program on monday. And the semester ends in december.

so basically, I signed up for 3 classes, 2 writing classes & my 3rd and most challenging weight loss.

God willing everything will go well in all aspects. but the weight loss is something that I need. I hate when people tell me that I am fat, I mean, most people own a mirror, I have one too, I can see that I have to lose weight-----  but it's sickening to my stomach when people mention that to me every time they see me. 

I don't understand why people can't keep comments to themselves.  I don't tell the B*** that called me fat that she has an extremely oily face and to go to the dermatologist to get that fixed.  or the other B*** that tells me that I've gotten fatter since she last saw me when I was only 11 years old!!!!

the average american woman is a size 12--- that's what I am, average--- but I guess they want to see me as an anorexic. and that is something I am not or will not be.

so I picked that weight loss program, because I think that is what will help me lose weight, bring my fat percent down, and my cholesterol down, and hopefully people in the future will be with their mouths shut with their stupid comments when they see me.

It's been a while since I have written on this site.

I have now 8 months experience as an RN, and I can say that it has been an interesting road.  I have learned a whole lot, made mistakes.  I have been floated to other units now, so I have that to experience, such as being in the NICU, cardiac floor, renal floor, neuro floor----- and I am happy that I have done that to see other types of patients besides my surgery patients.

I do enjoy what I do, and I do enjoy that I do not have to get up every morning for a 9-5 job. I do not have a traditional job, but it does pay the bills & I get to spend time with my family and doing things that I consider fun.

I decided to go back to school to get my BSN degree- it's gonna take me a year and a half because I am going part time.  Next week I start taking 2 classes, so God willing that will go great for me. 

I am so excited to be almost on my own!

One more shift with the preceptor and I am alone with my own team, my own patients and I trully could not be happier.

This is going to be the best ride of my life, when I can start really learning about time management and handling patient problems on my own.

At my job, nurses week is a big deal!

I can't wait!

I was in my 4th week of orientation last week with a new preceptor. and the preceptor is nice, but wants me doing everything on my own.

She says "well if you have questions call me." ummm of course I have questions.

but I am pretty comfortable there, but still.

So the students come, and I am giving report, and I said to the day nurse. He has kasawi disease or kasai disease, Idon't know........

the students start rolling their eyes, and making side comments infront of my face.
well whatever... I dont' care. they will be new one day somewhere else.

but this week the same students came, and I was giving report and one of them was there from last week, paired up with another student.

so when I am giving report... I was ready, I wrote down everything needed to say about the patients.... so the new student (who by the way was a handsome, tall muscular, young man), looks at his class mate, points at me and she responds "yes" with a nod, then she gives him a thumb up. that I was doing a good job this time. that made me feel good. but still, they made me nervous because they are there judging me,

but I don't feel that I need to explain myself to them that I am new or anything like that. because I don't need to.

Thank Goodness my preceptor called out, so I was paired up with a new nurse for 2 nights in a row. I hope the preceptor calls out more. I feel that I have learned more from this new nurse than I have with the old preceptor.
She told me, ok, you chart, and I will give the meds >--- is that simple, to help out the new person when you know what you are doing yourself.

I really hope my preceptor is super sick (I know, it sounds mean) so I can get this new preceptor to orient me.
I have one week left after friday... and I feel good. but sometimes I feel like I've been thrown out there.........
does anyone else feel like this?